Love Yourself
by Izzison
Summary: Alison is torn after her talk with paige she knows what she wants but she is terrified. What if she can't do it what if she is incapable of loving. Spencer helps Alison with her dilemma. (One Shot)


This story takes place between the secne where Paige talks to Alison about Emily and the scene where Alison tells Emily that she is going to have the baby. (7x15)

Spencer POV

I was driving back from the lostwoods trying not to let what marco said get to me I couldn't deal with the fact that soon there might be concrete proof against me right now, I needed a distraction, I thought about Em and Ali and they're whole twisted baby situation I know that Emily will probably want to keep tha baby but I don't know about Alison and I felt really bad for her I know she would do anything for Emily but a baby is not just any normal thing it's a human that is completely dependent on you as I was lost in my thoughts I found myself approaching my house as I got out of the car I looked over towards Ali's house and started walking towards it thinking I would just check up on Ali and see if she needs anything than head back home I walked to the front door I knocked twice but received no answer I started worrying so I turned the door knob hoping it was unlocked I started to walk in the house the lights were on and I heard muffled noises of crying I think.

Alison POV

I was sitting on the floor crying and thinking about what paige said I didn't know if I could have the baby I wanted to give Emily everything but this particular thing is something I don't think I can do I snapped out of my thoughts to the sound of someone calling my name and footsteps approaching me.

"Ali" I recognized Spencer's voice and tried to wipe my tears and compose myself .

"Spence" she sat down next to me and gave me a hug and it was like flood gates had been opened I started quietly sobbing again.

"What's wrong Ali" she asked as she rubbed my back and tried to comfort me.

"I don't think I can do it"

"Do what ?"

"Love…love someone" I chocked out in almost a whisper and my crying increased, I felt spencer hold me tighter for a second then she start to pull away.

Spencer POV

My heart broke for Ali after I heard what she said I didn't why she was thinking about love with everything going on right now but I knew that we are part of why Ali is questioning herself we always made it clear to her that she was a lying minuplative person and eventhough we know that she has changed and we have forgiven her we never really pointed that out to her and gave her credit for all the things she did for us. I started to pull away so she can look at me and maybe see the sincereity of my words as I speak, she was looking down on the ground and trying to control her crying but failing.

"Ali look at me"

She raised her head and I could see the hurt and doubt in her eyes.

I took a deep breath and started "Ali…you know you have a big heart a really really big heart" she looked at me and I can see the uncertainty and disbelieve.

I decided to tell her about what I've been thinking about for the past few weeks so I started again "you know since I found out about Mary, and Charlotte being my sister I couldn't help but think about how you did it." I could see her look at me with confusion. "How did you manage to forgive Charlotte after everything she did and give her a second chance, at the time I thought that it's because she is your sister but now that I know she is mine I keep thinking about what if we knew that when we found out about her being A , I don't think I would have been able to forgive her, maybe I would try to help her as a familial obligation sure…but be there for her, visit her, try to love her and try to bring her home I don't think that I would be capable of doing that"

At this point she has stopped crying and was looking at me with her blood shot eyes giving me her undevided attention she looked so fragile like a terrified child waiting to be praised or scolded by his parents and afraid of dissapointing them I knew that look so well I've worn it half my life and it pained me to see her look at me like that.

"You know I was extremely opposed to the idea of Charlotte getting out of welby but I couldn't help but admire your protectivness and dedication and love that I saw when we were talking about her in your classroom, heck Ali you turned down NYU so you could be close to Charlotte and take care of her...Ali you managed to move past the fact that we betrayed you, cut you off and sent you to jail when you came back we accused you of being A and gave you hell about bullying us as kids disregarding the fact that you were bullied into running away from home for two years we wanted you to be honest with us and trust us as soon as you get back and when you didn't we turned on you but none of us thought about how you were completely alone for two years and couldn't just bounce back to normal life just because we wanted you to, but despite all that the moment you got out of jail you came to our rescue, you put yourself in danger and used yourself as bait to bring us back after we betrayed you in the worst way possible"

I looked at her and I could see her smile a little and I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"I couldn't just leave you there and I thought I deserved jail after all this whole mess was because of me. And Spencer I know you all would've done the same"

I stood up and offered her my hand to get up she took it and got up we moved to the couch, she sat down and I started walking towards the kitchen.

I heard her ask with a slightly broken voice "where are you going ?"

I didn't answer her and instead walked back to the living room with a cup of water and handed it to her she took it and as she started to set it down on the table I started again

"Ali we all love and care for eachother but none of us has that big heart of yours so don't you dare think that you're incapable of love because I think it's all you ever did is to love. You're problem isn't that you can't love you're problem is that you were taught that love is a weakness and you were never shown enough love so you never really understood it and you ran away from it when you felt it, you pushed those you love away and kept them at arms length you helped them and were loyal to them but you never opened up to them which makes people confused that's why they question you that's partially why we are never sure of you're intentions because we never get how you feel or what you're thinking, you never give us the chance to know…but you are capable of loving Ali more than anyone I know; you managed to love the women that buried you alive Ali the one who was supposed to give you unconditional love and be your safe place, you can't help but still speak highly of her and see her in a good light despite all the secrets and lies, you even forgave Mary someone you didn't know for the whole Elliot situation. How you do that is beyond me but you need to know that you have enough love for the whole world, people hurt you and screw you over and you still manage to love them and forgive them so tell me Ali how is it after all of this are you able to question yourself and how is it that you have the biggest heart and this unlimited supply of love and forgivness but can't find it in you to save some for yourself because that's all you need Ali is to love and forgive yourself"

Alison POV

I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by what Spencer just said and I couldn't believe that she really saw me like that. I decided to try and tell her what's on my mind.

After a moment of silence I said "I..I never really thought of it like that I just thought…." I didn't know how to finish the sentence so I tried to compose my thoughts but nothing came out, I'm guessing spencer saw that because she decided to speak.

"Hey,what is this really about why are you thinking about love right now"

"Em wants to keep the baby and I'm not sure if I can do it"

"Ok let's say that Emily never voiced her opinion what do you really want?"

"I think I want this…this chance to have a family and to give one to Emily too, to even be a family with her"

"Then go for it"

"it's not that easy spencer I want this more than anything but what if I can't do it what if I can't give Emily and the baby what they deserve"

"Ali stop thinking so little of yourself you keep holding yourself back, I know that you are going to be a great mother, face the facts Ali you're a great teacher, you understand people more than anyone, you're loyal, forgiving, protective and most importantly I know for a fact that you are going to love this child unconditionally" I looked at Spencer and saw her smile at me and I was grateful for having her here and for her words so much.

"Spencer thankyou…for everything"

"you're welcome, but no need to thank me we're family after all"

I chuckled a little at her words but it warmed my heart that she really saw me as family not some branch in our messed up family tree.

I decided to tell her my desiscion "Ok I will call Emily tell her to come over and that I'm having the baby" my tone was slightly uncertain like I was asking her and she must've heard it.

"Only if you're sure Ali I know you are going to be a wonderful mother but if you're not ready it's ok and no one can blame you or judge you for that"

I spoke with more conviction this time "I'm sure"

"Good because I am ready for a little niece or nephew I can spoil" She gave me a wide smile as she said that and I was over come with happiness.

"Good because I'm sure your little niece or nephew will need homework help and college advice from auntie Spencer"

She laughed and said "I think his/her highscool teacher mommy has got that covered but I will always be happy to help, you really are family to me Ali" there was more seriousness to her tone at the last part.

I was overcome with love and gratitude so I stood up and gave Spencer a big hug she was surprised but hugged me back as I kept saying thankyou, I then pulled back and I couldn't help the big smile that was plastered on my face.

She grabbed her bag and said "Ok I'm going to head out because you need some space to figure this out but remember I'm here for you we all are and we love you Ali we all really do; bye Ali"

"Bye spencer" I got up and started walking her to the door and the moment she stepped out I called her again she turned around to look at me "Spence thankyou again and I love you and you're family to me too you always have been" she smiled warmly at me and walked to her house, I shut the door and went to grab my phone and call Emily.

The End


End file.
